Yep. Joe Cocker gave me an A+.
Somewhere back around 1970, I made this pencil drawing to help promote the sale of albums for the local record store, Vogel’s, at a performance that Joe Cocker was giving at my hometown theatre in Rahway, New Jersey.
I was given access to backstage because I was working for the sponsor, and generous Mr. Cocker stopped and autographed my drawing.
Yep. A+. And a “pretty good” thrown in for good measure. Yep. My Joe Cocker autograph.
Leslie
Saw this meme going around, and found it interesting to discover what I had and hadn’t done. If you want to do it, too, just copy the list and highlight those things that you have done.
Sort of like a Bucket List. And of course I had to editorialize…
1. Started your own blog …and one for my dog.
2. Slept under the stars …many times
3. Played in a band … sitting around the kitchen table with friends playing kazoos doesn’t count as “a band”, does it?
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain …only if the mountains of West Virginia count as “mountains”.
9. Held a praying mantis …did you know that ladybugs bite? And it hurts?
10. Sang a solo …in public, on a dare. No. It wasn’t karaoke.
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris …Paris, Texas. Paris, Maine.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch …The Art of Scratching? No?
15. Adopted a child …had one adopt me.
16. Had food poisoning …does poisoning someone’s food count? (kidding)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty …saw it from the Circle Line Cruise around Manhattan, but never made it to the island. Never went up to the top of the Empire State Building either. That’s what happens when you live next to New York City for 19 years.
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France …I did see her in New York City. She’s smaller that I imagined.
20. Slept on an overnight train …slept on lots of trains from Philadelphia to New York. Never overnight.
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort …among other snowy things
25. Held a lamb�
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise …does the Circle Line around Manhattan count? See #. 17 on this list.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person …slowly I turned…step by step… Nope. Never did.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language …took some Sign Language classes and know enough to make a fool of myself.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied …a gallon of milk, a full tank of gas, and thou, and I’m happy.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing …rock throwing, but never climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karoke …see #10
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant …bought a strange meal at a restaurant. Does that count?
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance …I am a lousy skier, even doing a ’snowplow’.
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing …I was 6. I was seasick the entire time. So, no, I didn’t catch anything. Doesn’t count.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris …I knew the London Bridge was in Arizona, but the Eiffel Tower in Paris, Texas? Don’t that beat all?
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling …only in a swimming pool, but spluttering and choking is more like it.
52. Kissed in the rain�
53. Played in the mud …see #52.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater …in my pajamas.
55. Been in a movie …my very own private movie. shhhh, I’m watching it right now. Pass the popcorn…
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business …many.
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia …no, but you can see it from my house.
60. Served at a soup kitchen …used to make the soup.
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies …mmmmm Samoas mmmm
62. Gone whale watching …watched the submarine races
63. Got flowers for no reason …does him being in trouble count as “no reason”?
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma …helped collect blood when I was in the Junior American Red Cross.
65. Gone sky diving …No. Why would you ask?
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check …the bank did that for me once. They had to write three apology letters, too.
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt …made pieces for a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square … that can get you arrested.
74. Toured the Everglades …parts of it.
75. Been fired from a job …did I ever tell you about the time…
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London …saw the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Washington, D.C.
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person … I live in Arizona, so of course I haven’t seen it. See #17.
80. Published a book …Fairies Have Wings, But They’re Not Angels!
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car …truck
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper …lots of times, never on the police blotter.
85. Read the entire Bible …could not get past the begats. Skipped over that part and got most of the rest of it read. It took more than one day. See #100.
86.Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating …Gypsy!
88. Had chickenpox …and the whooping cough, and the measels, and the mumps, and…
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury …came close
91. Met someone famous …Joe Cocker, and he autographed a picture I drew of him. Gave me an A+.
92. Joined a book club …the library.
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby …Oh, Baby!
95. Seen the Alamo in person …it’s right in the middle of the city!!
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit …gave testimony.
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee …piece of cake. Try a scorpion. Try 5 scorpions. Not all at once. Owwie.
100. Read an entire book in one day …The Bridges of Madison County was a terrible book. Glad it was only one day.
My time in Austin held an inordinate amount of “almost stories”… a narrow escape from a tattoo parlour without a tattoo, receiving fully wrapped and be-ribboned live human friends on my doorstep, being visited by a ghost, receiving a venison roast as a well intentioned Christmas gift and having to throw it out in its entirety because I couldn’t get beyond my idea that I was eating Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, postulating a future market for bottled water and being laughed at, then changing my idea to Vitamin Water and Health Clubs, which received similar acceptance, and my “Seeing Jesus Seeing Me”.
My episode of “Seeing Jesus Seeing Me” was more like “Jesus Taught Me How To Draw Perspective”, but I can’t recount that story without offending every born again on the planet and sounding like a lunatic in the process. A story better left untold.
While I was in Austin and having all my experiences good, bad and otherwise, I made just a little Art. I made a big watercolor of birds to give to Harry and Melba as a thank you for their kindness. I gave a watercolor of parakeets to my downstairs neighbors who brightened my days by opening their apartment door and putting the cages of yellow and turquoise birds outside to bask on warm days. I made a watercolor Wizard for a co-worker, and pages of pencil doodles for my own entertainment. Making Art never disappeared completely.
One of the people for whom I begged the used candles was from Midland. He assured me that if I wanted to make money with my art that Midland would be the place to do it. I thought that making Art might be something I wanted to do, and making money doing it would be even better.
I had bought another Volvo, cream colored, used, to replace my green one.
In early 1977, I packed up my Austin life, and headed for Midland. I drove and drove and drove and drove, across big flat Texas, growing more certain as the sun set in front of me, and nighttime began to twinkle, that the earth was indeed flat, and that I would at any moment just *bloop* fall off the edge.
I didn’t.
I established myself and my art there in Midland.
My son came to live with me. He still lives there.
I met my Knight In Shining Armor, who eventually whisked me off to the Desert of Arizona.
I am still a hippie.
…And she blogged happily ever after…
~The End~
I thought I would officially end The Hippie Stories with the ending of this year, 2008. It seems like a good place to conclude the stories, and a good place to start blogging the next adventures that life will inevitably place before me.
Onward through the fog…
Leslie
If you would like to read just the Hippie Stories, click here.
“Join hands and let us pray. Jesus, give us a productive day…”
The supervisor of the warehouse had gathered the package car drivers together, and told us to stand in a circle. I had expected a pep talk, but instead, he was invoking us to prayer.
This was the last straw for me. I stepped back out of the circle and clomped off to the locker room.
****************************************************
I had stayed at the Auto Parts Delivery job as long as I could, but after months of having only $3.00 left over every Friday after stashing away money for bills and rent, I knew I had to find something more lucrative.
The UPS ad in the classifieds spoke of big bucks.
I interviewed for the UPS job and got it. I spent time in San Antonio for training and orientation. I passed my commercial drivers test, and earned my commercial drivers license. I was issued a brown uniform of shirt and slacks and cap, and bought a pair of the regulation brown shoes. I was excited to be working toward a good job with benefits and better than a barely living wage.
I would be a full fledged package car driver for UPS after I had endured the six month “on call” probation period. Being “on call” meant I had all the responsibilities of the actual job, but with the added task of having to wait by the phone every morning for a call that would confirm if I should go in to work that day. I would sit by the phone and try to stoke up on coffee, dressed in the itchy brown uniform ready to bolt out the door.
I wore a hairnet to keep my long hair short enough to comply with the “no hair long enough to touch your collar” rule, which was intended to apply to men. Women had only just begun working as package car drivers, and the rule about hair hadn’t been changed yet. I could have cut my hair short, but opted for the hairnet instead.
The job required that I know all the streets in Austin, because there would not be time to read a map while I was driving, so I studied the Austin map every night, trying to get my bearings. As soon as I was familiar with a route, they would switch me, trying in vain to find some area where I could work faster.
The company was run with military precision, and my direct competition was a computer that tracked how many seconds it took for me to succeed at delivering each package. I was followed in lock step by a trainer, who didn’t ever speak to me while I worked, but took notes on her clipboard as she assessed my timed performance. She did break silence occasionally to chastise me for chatting with customers as they gave me their signature. She said that the time it took to say hello ruined the time allowed for each successful package delivery. I wasn’t giving her good numbers to report to her supervisor.
I was called into the office every week to compare my times to those of the computer, and I was sad to learn that I was the worst delivery person they had in Austin.
“You’re too slow,” I was told.
I was too friendly, I figured.
I also figured that I was uniquely unsuited for UPS.
As any of you lovely followers of my blog have probably figured out by now, I tend to be chatty, and not being able to exchange niceties with customers was not my idea of good business practice.
Then again, UPS was quite successful at what it did, and I was the one that didn’t fit in.
*************************************************
I took off my cap, and my hairnet and put them in my locker. My trainer suddenly appeared behind me, startling me.
“What are you doing?” she demanded.
“I’m quitting,” I said.
“You can’t quit! You have packages to deliver!” she ordered.
“I can quit, and I just did,” I said. “I would like to have this job, but it just isn’t right for me. You know I am too slow, and I am ruining the numbers for the whole unit.”
She turned an about face and huffed off to tell.
What I really wanted to say to her, I didn’t.
I turned in my keys to the dispatch desk and walked out the door.
Leslie
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